Let’s face it, every single year when the clock strikes midnight, we convince ourselves that this year will be our year. The year we change something about ourselves we think would make us happier in the future. One of the most common resolutions for the new year that I hear is the desire to change that pesky number on our bathroom scales. While it is inspiring to see so many people indulge in these new changes to better themselves, I don’t think we realize the struggles that come with it. Achieving new goals sends this surge of dopamine to our minds that makes us feel successful, accomplished, and happy. But what happens when that success hits a plataeu? Am I really happier now, 30lbs thinner, than I was before?
My journey with weight loss was no easy fleet. It took an immense amount of convincing to get myself started with improving my lifestyle and my image—mainly for the sake of my own happiness. In a way, social media definitely influenced my perception of myself and the persona I was trying to embody. I was constantly surrounded by thin waists, protruding chests, and thick behinds regardless of what app I opened on my phone. I looked at these images as inspiration, an “end-goal” you might say, and I acted. Starting my junior year of high school, I have tried any and every method to shed some pounds but nothing seemed to be working in my favor. Finally, my freshman year of college—weighing in at 158lbs—I decided that this was the time. With many ups and downs, I researched methods to lose weight and for the first time, I actually stuck with my journey and what do you know, I lost 34 lbs, threw away all my baggy jeans and started to feel powerful. That’s when it started.
Everyone knows that losing weight and keeping it off is one, big commitment. It is not something that you can “wing” and just get away with it. It takes consistency, effort, and lots of determination. I was able to reach my goal and I wanted to use that achievement to inspire others who think that are not capable of the same achievement. I became more confident in my body, my image, and my overall persona because I loved the way I looked. So did many others. I felt more presentable; which gave me the confidence to take initiative in class and at my place of work. Outfits fit cleaner, my hair complimented my face more, more attention was drawn to me on a daily. Of course, with anything successful comes a few pitfalls. My friends and family were raging at my weight loss, complimenting me, telling me how good I look now. Now. For me, getting recognized for my ability to lose this much weight was a sign of my success. These pats on the back definitely sparked the Leo in me (yes, I’m definitely a zodiac junkie), however they also formed this wall of anxiety. If I gained my weight back, after all of this, will I still feel successful? Will I still feel happy? Will people still look at me as an inspiration? After losing my weight, numerous people in my life felt the inclination to tell me how big I was before and how tiny I am now, thinking that I’d take that as a compliment. I didn’t. I felt embarrassed and ashamed for being a few sizes bigger and I didn’t deserve that. Big, chunky, bulky. All words to describe my image before my weight loss. It wasn’t fair to the girl I am now because that “big” girl before was what molded me into who I am now. It was still me. It didn’t feel fair, but life isn’t fair. I still chose to live it, embrace it, and conquer it day by day.
At the end of the day, I have come to the realization that self-love is the best love. Degrading who I was before my journey started will not alter my perception of happiness—whether that be in size 11 jeans, or size 5’s. My happiness cannot be measured by a number on a scale. I started this journey for me, and I will continue embracing it for myself because you know what, THAT’S all you have in the end. Did I love myself and my body before, as much as I love it now? Absolutely. Will I let a handful of people bring me down in spite of everything I’ve been through? No. That’s a power I will not give up. How others perceive me or my weight loss is not my responsibility. What is my responsibility is taking charge, embracing my new look, and conquering the world, one step at a time.
Mel's Vision 