More often than not, I have heard people debate and question their inability to let go of something that’s hurting them. No matter how big, or how small, there is always that question that sticks in the back of almost everyone’s mind; “why?”
It’s extraordinary how one three-letter word can have such profound implications on our self-respect, dignity, ego, and mentality—just to name a few. When things in life seem to throw us off course, we over contemplate every single version of “why” we could think of. Now my question to you, ironically, is “why?”
Being twenty years old, I’ve seen just a glimpse of how unfair life can get in every single field of being. As a student, as a young woman in healthcare, as a friend, daughter, sister, acquaintance, and stranger. I’ve seen the world mistreat the innocent far more often than I’ve seen it destroy the bad. When I was in high school, I was never able to understand how life can take so many sharp turns and I always questioned why I, a normal girl from the suburbs of Chicago, could be planted with so much negativity, hurt, and ridicule. I acknowledge the mistakes I have made in my life. I’ve hurt people I loved, I wasn’t present enough for those who needed a guiding hand, I wasn’t honest, I wasn’t authentic. . . I wanted to live in the shell of a person that I wasn’t, and when hit with a reality check, I fell apart. I turned simple mistakes into tragedies and minor inconveniences turned into soap operas– all while overthinking the meaning of everything life throws at me. And all for what?
I’ve always been a believer in fate. I believe that everything that happens in our lives happens for some sort of reason, whatever that reason may be. However, I used to use this belief as an obstacle to my understanding of life and fate itself. Everything became a race to understand what the deeper meaning behind it all was. Why did things play out the way they did? Why now? Why me? Why not me?
It took many reality checks for me to realize that not everything needs an explanation. Everything simply is what it is. I stood desperate in tears, hurt, and anger for so long over some things that have passed that I had often forgotten everything that I had right in front of me. I’ve grown to accept that life isn’t always going to be fair to me, but I am living a meaningful one regardless. The more I matured after high school, my ability to let go became easier and easier. Think of it this way—no amount of anger, frustration, grudge, and suffering today will change the past. It will not erase the imprints you’ve indented, and it will not take you back in time. Your every breath is worth so much more in the present life because it has already been used up in the past. Things happen. Life happens.
Now I’m asking you to think about my question of “why?” If you are angry at someone, remember that they can’t feel a single ounce of your anger, but you feel all of it in its entirety. Let it go, for you. Your anger towards them isn’t affecting them at all, but it’s tearing you down to a point that you’re unable to trust, to commit, to forgive, to move on… You’re letting someone who barely knows their relevance in your life hold so much power over your emotional and mental well-being. It isn’t fair to you, and it is not fair to the person you have yet to become in the future. You’re standing on the grounds of the person you needed in the past, the person you wished so desperately to be, and it would be a damn shame to let anyone dim that light.
Occupation wise, I understand the impact of not receiving a job or position you’ve been yearning for and how detrimental it could be on how you perceive your self-worth. I’ve seen positions snatched away from beneath my own feet and others I’ve cared about and given to people who were just a little bit luckier. I’ve faced discrimination in the workforce already, being young and being a woman. But I try to never let that degrade what I know I am capable of. At times, it did feel like things were falling apart. At the same time though, if it weren’t for those lost opportunities, I wouldn’t be in the healthcare position I am today, working a job I love with people that make me feel like I am worthy, smart, and capable.
I’ve spent days using my past as an excuse for my actions. I would explain my behavior with, “I was hurt in the past so…” and it made me think about why that approach is wrong. When I was unable to take responsibility for my actions, I would blame my upbringing and past experiences instead of owning up to the mistakes I have made. Unfair scenarios in my past were used as a valid reasoning to explain why I was the way that I was, and it wasn’t fair to the people in my life in the moment. Why? Because my inexcusable behavior and intolerance to being open had nothing to do with my past and everything to do with my willpower to tell myself that my past doesn’t define me, and it never will. Instead, anything that happens in my past is the very reason why I am NOT the person that I used to be. Why I am NOT the person I was expected to be in relation to everything that life threw at me.
At the end of the day, I am my own being. I have never stepped a day into your shoes or lived a day of your life, and I understand that to the fullest of my capability. I have no idea what you’ve been through, what you’ve had to overcome, and the battles you’re recovering from or still fighting. We all cope, and we all cope differently. It is not my place to tell you how you should or shouldn’t react to any pain or hurt that you are feeling because it isn’t fair to you. It isn’t fair for me to pretend like I have the answers to your problems and to your suffering, but I can pull you into my world. I’ve been knocked down so many times that I have learned to turn my pain into power, and I want to relay that to anyone reading this. Through all of that, the importance of letting go has always been one of my biggest priorities. Accepting my obstacles for what they were has allowed me to move freely in the present with no strings left behind me. That’s not to say that what happened to me in the past wasn’t important or credible. It was. In so many ways. But what is more important is that I pick myself up and get back on the horse. Move through life with the idea that, “it is what it is.”
Moral of the story, I learned that life would teach you the ins and outs. Your naivety with the world will start to decrease the older you get, and that’s what the past is for. It is to teach you how life can play out in the real world, but it is not to define you. I am 20 years old. I am not nearly as wise or as life oriented as the people who are older than me. But with the support and guidance of those people, I feel like I’ve gotten a jump start at what to expect and I am forever grateful for that. Even when the world is unfair to you, be fair to yourself, for yourself. Nobody has got your back more than you do, and you deserve to be recognized and uplifted for all the things you have overcome. You are loved and worthy and important. Your past can’t put a dictionary definition on any of that or anything that you can become.
Mel's Vision 